Family Prayer

Family prayer started for us by chance. As I began my marriage and started having children, praying together was not something I thought about much and we did not have any regular routines. When my oldest daughter was preparing for First Reconciliation and First Communion, she was supposed to memorize some prayers. I knew that one of the best ways to do so would be for her to hear them frequently. I decided to say prayers in bed in the mornings and at night. At the time, my girls were eight and five.

We would pray in different ways - in the beginning, sometimes I would say the prayers and sometimes I would say the prayers line by line and they would repeat. As they got more familiar with the prayers, sometimes we would pray together, and other times they wanted to alternate lines. Regardless, they came to appreciate the prayers, and we enjoyed the time together. 

When it was time for my second daughter to prepare for her First Reconciliation and First Communion, she already knew the prayers, except for some new ones that were added. Four years later we often pray together in the mornings right when they wake up or before going to bed. In the mornings these days, my 12 year old will sometimes ask me, "Can you say some prayers?" before rolling back over, resisting getting out of bed in the morning. 

Reflecting over time, I have come to realize that whether my girls are actively engaged in praying or whether they want to hear me pray as they wake up for the morning, a big part of it is the bonding. As they grow, there will be a connection between bonding as mother-daughters and the prayers. There will be reminders of calm, unhurried starts together. Other aspects of our morning routines can be stressful, depending on the day and how things progress, but when we pray, time stops for a bit and it is about the bonding and peace. 

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In December, I asked my priest more about the family prayer routines for him growing up. He had briefly mentioned something about it as an anecdote earlier in the fall and over time I started to have more curiosity about it, thinking about what it was like for his family and his context and what might translate for my family in our context. 

I asked a range of questions about the logistics and cultural differences, hearing about his experiences, getting his opinion and asking for advice. Through our conversations I formulated a plan in my mind. As a family, we would pray the Angelus, a decade of the Rosary, and read from The Bible nightly. Then, we would also read from Living Faith for Kids. 

The first step was to talk to my husband about the plan, and it was easy to get him onboard with the idea. We started and had consecutive nights. We realized that upon sitting together and praying, we then would stay together, spending time disconnected with technology. Both my husband and I really appreciated that aspect. Nonetheless, after a seemingly solid routine was established, it seemed like it quickly broke down when we missed a night and then another and then another. 

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Through these experiences, there is no doubt in the power of family prayer and the benefits of prioritizing prayer. And yet, I know that the common thread between both in this moment is that there is a need to focus on consistency. As with many things in life, there is an on-going reflection on putting first things first and figuring out how to do so when life gets busy. With waking up and bed time routines, it is all about needing to make sure I minimize aspects that make the routines feel rushed as well as some type of reminder to do so. I read the daily readings every morning, so it should be a natural extension to move on to praying with my girls, and yet... For our family prayer, it worked best when we said we would do it right as we all arrived home for the day. It seemed to break down when we said we would do it later in the evening, but then we often get going in different directions. 

It's time to re-calibrate and refocus - time to prioritize family prayer. 

Prepare, Show-Up, and Engage

The Catechism of the Catholic Church refers to the Eucharist as the source and summit (1324). As such, the Eucharist is of utmost importance for us as Catholics and it is natural to feel a sense of respect and appreciation for the priests who make the Mass possible. While I have participated in Mass throughout my life in different ways, I don't think it was until recently that I realized my role in impacting the way that I experience Mass as strongly as I do now. Over time there has been a desire to support the liturgy in different ways and to better understand the deeper meaning of the Mass, but different Catholic resources have come together to emphasize my role.

When thinking about how Catholics can be more proactive in impacting our Mass experience, here are some starting points that come to mind: prepare, show up, and engage.

prepare: Over the last couple of years especially, I have been blessed with many resources and encouragement coming into my life that have positively impacted my growth as a Catholic and deepening my understanding of the faith. I have come to realize that anytime we invest in our own faith development, we are also investing in the Catholic community.  

Alongside prioritizing faith formation in general, many resources have pointed toward preparing for Mass. Redeemed Online and Matthew Kelly from Dynamic Catholic instantly come to mind when thinking about encouragement to read the Sunday readings at some point in the week prior to Mass. Then, we attend Mass already thinking about and processing the readings. As a result, we are better prepared to let the homily have an impact or to have an opportunity to watch for clarification of points from the readings that brought confusion. 

show up: Regular Mass attendance with preparation helps to bring all the pieces together. In my adult life I had previously read the daily readings, but up until I started last spring, I had never been able to consistently attend daily Mass. However, I have noticed a marked difference of daily attendance coupled with daily readings and reflections at home alongside resources to invest in my faith formation. 

By attending regularly I have a better understanding of how the readings come together, as well as familiarizing myself with the rhythms and routines of the priests' homilies, allowing me to better capture their ideas.

As Catholics, we can show up in different ways at different points in our lives, and it is important to re-evaluate as shifts occur in our lives so that opportunities don't pass us by. When I was teaching in a K-12 context, my schedule would not allow for daily Mass attendance. When I switched to being a university professor, I still felt just as busy with my career. Since the work load felt similar, I didn't pause to think about whether the differences in my physical schedules between the two contexts would have implications for my spiritual life. It took me almost 2 academic years to realize daily Mass attendance was possible now based on the greater level of flexibility in my current context. As a result, this last year I have realized the importance of considering what is really possible in my life at any given point in time, rather than being so caught up in my career demands that I make assumptions about what is or isn't possible without considering the reality of the scenario. 

engage: After preparing and showing up, our mindset and active participation while at Mass is critically important. I love resources such as Altaration and Behold the Mystery to have a better understanding of the power of different parts of the Mass. If points of confusion were not clarified within the Mass, priests are available and accessible as resources if we are willing to engage in conversation. There are also a range of Internet based resources or knowledge of other parishioners to help us grow along the way. 

When thinking about what I can do to invest in my Catholic faith, I know that preparing, showing up, and engaging will continue to be core. Regardless of the priest in front of me with shifts and changes over time, I have confidence that they will be preparing, showing up and engaging. Part of valuing my priest is coming back to these three points to consider what I am doing to reciprocate those actions in order to actively contribute to my Mass experience, rather than a perspective that the priest has the sole responsibility.

What role do preparing, showing up, and engaging play in your life as a Catholic today? What are your current strengths? How might you re-evaluate in order to grow and nurture your faith? 

Recognizing the Value of Confession

I have never valued the Sacrament of Reconciliation as a regular part of my life until about a year ago. Before then, I went sporadically as a youth and in college and rarely remember going as an adult. In the last three years, two of my girls received their Sacraments of First Reconciliation and First Communion. As part of the parent-child meetings, parents were encouraged to also go to Reconciliation. With my second daughter this year the DRE mentioned that our priest recommended monthly Confession. 

This in combination with Matthew Kelly's Confession chapter in Rediscover Catholicism encouraged me to reconsider the role of Reconciliation in my life. The chapter is one from the book that I have read multiple times and will continue to revisit. The words spoke to me, such as, "In my own personal journey, Confession has played a very powerful role, helping me to strive to become the best-version-of-myself. I find Confession to be a humbling experience, but not a humiliating one. Above all, I find that it is an experience of liberation that enables me to reassess where I am in the journey, helps me to identify what is holding me back, and encourages me to continue along the way" (p. 150). He then went on to discuss how "this sacrament has been abandoned in our own time" (p. 151), which I could relate to since my own experiences in different phases in my life had never pointed toward a strong appreciation for the Sacrament evidenced by regular Confession. The rest of the chapter was compelling for me because of his personal testimony of the power of the Sacrament and why he recommends that people seriously consider it, making me rethink what I knew of the Sacrament. 

With his words and the recommendation of our priest in mind, I decided to try to integrate the Sacrament more regularly into my life. Initially, what I found along the way was the first experience that I remember feeling the sense of a priest acting in persona Christi at Confession. I had the same priest on different occasions and as I would reflect back on what he told me, it always seemed to be perfect - exactly what I needed to hear at the moment even though I didn't realize in advance it was what I needed. Yet, there was not always a clear link between the most compelling aspects of his words and what I had confessed. Instead, I would receive targeted feedback based on what I said, and then there were more global, big picture what I really needed right then mixed in. The priest also had a calming presence in general, so he was very comforting. As a result, the Sacrament I typically connected with being nervous or discomfort turned into peace and a recognition of the power of the Sacrament. 

Since then that priest transferred to another parish, but I will remember his smile and his role in connecting me to the Sacrament. In the months since his departure, I continued to go to Reconciliation - often every two months or a month and  a half, rather than monthly. Right now in my Reconciliation journey, I am trying to learn to have good Confessions while going more regularly, including not wanting to sound like a broken record with some of the areas where I struggle in my day to day life as a wife, mom, and educator, as well as trying to be more cognizant of areas I should confess. Maybe it's time to re-read the Confession chapter to see how Kelly's words will speak to me where I am at right now as opposed to the me in early months needing the encouragement to take that first step and go to Confession regularly.

God's Will For My Life

Knowing God's will for my life and then taking action to align my life to His will for me has been a focus this year, more than any other year. I decided for the month of July to discern whether or not I am being called to have more kids. Approaching it much like any other time I have thought about whether or not to have kids, I was thinking about the rhythms and routines of the academic year as an educator (hello late spring/early summer babies). My plan was to discern in July and then move forward in one direction or the other in August. In order to help me discern, I decided to pray the rosary daily and then write in my spiritual notebook. 

I have always been a planner, and it didn't take my husband long to notice that about me with many aspects of our life. Early on in our relationship, my husband shared the saying in Spanish, "Si quieres hacer reír a Dios, cuéntale tus planes," which is like saying in English, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." In response, I continued planning away anyway, such as having tables with each family member on one axis and the ages and grade levels for the girls on another axis. Then alongside our current family, there would be columns for potential additional children. I would think through different scenarios for our family based on number and spacing of kids. 

My plan to discern in July was with that same planning in mind. Nonetheless, on the very first day of my rosary and reflecting, I was overcome with a sense that I wasn't the one in control, that everything could change in an instant, and that I couldn't impose my own timeline for an end date to make a decision. Instead, I realized that I would need to be more flexible, more open. 

Nonetheless, I still felt fairly determined that by the end of July I would have confidence and peace in which direction I should be moving. I knew that if I chose to have more kids, my focus would be more heavily on my role as a wife and mother at home (alongside my career that would be necessary to continue to support our family alongside my husband). I knew that I would need to step back from some of the ways in which I have been involved at church just as I had needed to previously. On the other hand, if I didn't have more kids, I would be able to maintain or increase my involvement.

I wanted to know the right answer, the direction in which God was calling me for this point in my life, how He would like to use me. One particular night at Adoration, I felt like I had my response. In my head I heard something along the lines of, "Amanda, you put so much pressure on yourself, carrying around the weight of always wanting to know the right answer." I got the sense that in this particular scenario, there was not a cut and dry do this, not that. Part way through these thoughts, one of our parish priests came in the Adoration Chapel and knelt down behind me to pray. Without any words between us, I could feel an additional layer of solid support and comfort.

I would love to say that I walked away that night fully embracing this uncertainty, but instead, I still wanted to know which route would be best. Soon after, I asked our other priest about having confidence in God's will for our lives, and the statement that stands out to me the most was him telling me to remember Mary's "Thy will be done" as the main thing I need to say and then letting different aspects unfold. The experiences and comments were shifting my thinking. Yet, I was still unsettled. I hadn't been expecting an "either" answer or a wait and see answer. I wanted a do this or do that response. I wanted July to end with a clear path forward; however, the end of the month came and went without that outcome.

An additional conversation with my priest in August pointed me back to leaving the control in God's hands. Then, last week the following video Fr. Mike Schmitz via Ascension Presents showed up in my Facebook feed:

I had comfort in his words explaining scenarios in which there was encouragement to feel comfortable with God's process, including the role of patience in the discernment process captured well in his explanation, "Here's my invitation for you today is to be content and confident to live in uncertainty, or maybe even a better way to say it is like this - to live with a certainty that God has already given you, to live with the clarity that He's already spoken. You know what He wants you to do."

Right before his conclusion, he used Mary at the Annunciation as an example. I instantly made the connection that like my priest, he was linking God's will to Mary as a mentor and guide in how to respond.

Finally, close to a month after my original intended deadline, I was able to accept and embrace what God had been trying to get across to me from my first day, July 1st, and at different points along the way through His presence and the different people and resources He put in my path. He is in control, and all I need to say is, "May it be done to me according to your word" (Luke 1:38). While I thought the outcome of my discernment plan would be a path forward for that one specific scenario, instead, I learned something much more vital and bigger picture - I'm learning to let go and trust.

Priests as Resources and Guides

Last week over at Redeemed Online Andy Lesnefsky posted about the importance of turning toward God, rather than away, in times of doubt and confusion. He reflected on the importance of prayer in these circumstances. Over the last few months, I have also been thinking about the power priests and the guidance they can provide to supplement a strong prayer life.

I can't remember a time in my life when I have had the confidence to ask my priest questions that arose prior to this summer. Instead, I would soak up the guidance from homilies but was sometimes left with lingering thoughts or questions. The first time I asked one of my priests a question earlier this year, I realized that doing so requires a certain level of comfort with vulnerability. I had to set aside worries about feeling like I should already know certain aspects of my faith and shouldn't need to ask, as well as concerns about how my questions would point out my own weaknesses. In that sense, I had to humble myself in order to have the courage to approach him.

Nonetheless, once I got past that, I instantly recognized the resource and blessing available, something that had been there all along but it just hadn't occurred to me to seek - the guidance of a priest in a conversation. Now, just a couple of months and some additional dialogues later, I am starting to realize the value of the unique voice my priest offers in that he will provide me input and clarification through a strong Catholic lens. While my other go-to people for advice are still important voices, it can end up being that they provide the advice they think I want to hear or their advice can be situated in the current predominant social and cultural context of the time, rather than rooted in the faith.

I appreciate that my priest will share what I need to hear from a Catholic perspective with an explanation of why. For example, the first time I was talking about some Bible passages that were hard for me to grasp and relate to for years. However, with some key pieces that he mentioned, it made sense in the overall bigger context. I just hadn't thought about it with those vital points of consideration before.

Through advice and dialogue, I gain a sense of calm but also feel pushed or challenged. My priest will make seemingly simple statements that will then stick with me as I process and turn the thoughts over. As a result, different concepts click into place. For example, talking about what is most important in life, I realized that I probably answered too quickly with the response that I know as correct since a child but then wondered if my life and actions were really aligned to that response or if my actions are really aligned with valuing the concrete more than the eternal. I started asking myself questions like, What would my life look like if...? or If God is really most important in my life, would I be doing this? My responses to these questions help me point toward areas of improvement in my life, such as how I spend my time, how I nurture relationships, and how I forgive. Other times it is just the importance of being reminded of something vital. Then there are times when I am reaffirmed for something I am doing, serving as encouragement.

Now that I am more aware of priests as a resource, I reflect on when to ask, when to pray over time, and when to just move forward. I am grateful for the different ways that I can encounter God's voice throughout my days.