The Joy of Love

As I have seen glimpses into different papal documents in various resources, I have realized that there is so much I would like to read. Pope Francis' post-synodal Apostolic Exhortation Amoris Laetitia was the first complete papal document that I read, but it of course pointed toward many others I would like to explore in full.

Our parish is participating in the Dynamic Catholic Parish Champion program, and this book was one of the monthly free resources last fall.

At the start of the document Pope Francis stated that it "represents an invitation to Christian families to value the gifts of marriage and the family, and to persevere in a love strengthened by the virtues of generosity, commitment, fidelity and patience," as well as "[encouraging] everyone to be a sign of mercy and closeness wherever family life remains imperfect or lacks peace and joy" (p. 11). Pope Francis then provided an overview of the entire document and recommended ways to approach it, namely for readers to take their time reading and to feel free to read sections that appear most relevant to current context, rather than needing to read the book beginning to end.

I appreciated the insight shared relevant to different layers of marriage and family life, including navigating different phases. It provides aspects to reflect on in order to celebrate the vocation of marriage and living a sacramental life. It gave me points to consider as a wife, as a mom, and to support other families with links to current life contexts. It prompted to consider the beautiful plan for families while also recognizing the reality of challenges and less than ideal contexts. Through it all there was a sense of hope to families to reflect on current realities and grow from there and the role of the Church to support this process.

Prepare, Show-Up, and Engage

The Catechism of the Catholic Church refers to the Eucharist as the source and summit (1324). As such, the Eucharist is of utmost importance for us as Catholics and it is natural to feel a sense of respect and appreciation for the priests who make the Mass possible. While I have participated in Mass throughout my life in different ways, I don't think it was until recently that I realized my role in impacting the way that I experience Mass as strongly as I do now. Over time there has been a desire to support the liturgy in different ways and to better understand the deeper meaning of the Mass, but different Catholic resources have come together to emphasize my role.

When thinking about how Catholics can be more proactive in impacting our Mass experience, here are some starting points that come to mind: prepare, show up, and engage.

prepare: Over the last couple of years especially, I have been blessed with many resources and encouragement coming into my life that have positively impacted my growth as a Catholic and deepening my understanding of the faith. I have come to realize that anytime we invest in our own faith development, we are also investing in the Catholic community.  

Alongside prioritizing faith formation in general, many resources have pointed toward preparing for Mass. Redeemed Online and Matthew Kelly from Dynamic Catholic instantly come to mind when thinking about encouragement to read the Sunday readings at some point in the week prior to Mass. Then, we attend Mass already thinking about and processing the readings. As a result, we are better prepared to let the homily have an impact or to have an opportunity to watch for clarification of points from the readings that brought confusion. 

show up: Regular Mass attendance with preparation helps to bring all the pieces together. In my adult life I had previously read the daily readings, but up until I started last spring, I had never been able to consistently attend daily Mass. However, I have noticed a marked difference of daily attendance coupled with daily readings and reflections at home alongside resources to invest in my faith formation. 

By attending regularly I have a better understanding of how the readings come together, as well as familiarizing myself with the rhythms and routines of the priests' homilies, allowing me to better capture their ideas.

As Catholics, we can show up in different ways at different points in our lives, and it is important to re-evaluate as shifts occur in our lives so that opportunities don't pass us by. When I was teaching in a K-12 context, my schedule would not allow for daily Mass attendance. When I switched to being a university professor, I still felt just as busy with my career. Since the work load felt similar, I didn't pause to think about whether the differences in my physical schedules between the two contexts would have implications for my spiritual life. It took me almost 2 academic years to realize daily Mass attendance was possible now based on the greater level of flexibility in my current context. As a result, this last year I have realized the importance of considering what is really possible in my life at any given point in time, rather than being so caught up in my career demands that I make assumptions about what is or isn't possible without considering the reality of the scenario. 

engage: After preparing and showing up, our mindset and active participation while at Mass is critically important. I love resources such as Altaration and Behold the Mystery to have a better understanding of the power of different parts of the Mass. If points of confusion were not clarified within the Mass, priests are available and accessible as resources if we are willing to engage in conversation. There are also a range of Internet based resources or knowledge of other parishioners to help us grow along the way. 

When thinking about what I can do to invest in my Catholic faith, I know that preparing, showing up, and engaging will continue to be core. Regardless of the priest in front of me with shifts and changes over time, I have confidence that they will be preparing, showing up and engaging. Part of valuing my priest is coming back to these three points to consider what I am doing to reciprocate those actions in order to actively contribute to my Mass experience, rather than a perspective that the priest has the sole responsibility.

What role do preparing, showing up, and engaging play in your life as a Catholic today? What are your current strengths? How might you re-evaluate in order to grow and nurture your faith? 

Recognizing the Value of Confession

I have never valued the Sacrament of Reconciliation as a regular part of my life until about a year ago. Before then, I went sporadically as a youth and in college and rarely remember going as an adult. In the last three years, two of my girls received their Sacraments of First Reconciliation and First Communion. As part of the parent-child meetings, parents were encouraged to also go to Reconciliation. With my second daughter this year the DRE mentioned that our priest recommended monthly Confession. 

This in combination with Matthew Kelly's Confession chapter in Rediscover Catholicism encouraged me to reconsider the role of Reconciliation in my life. The chapter is one from the book that I have read multiple times and will continue to revisit. The words spoke to me, such as, "In my own personal journey, Confession has played a very powerful role, helping me to strive to become the best-version-of-myself. I find Confession to be a humbling experience, but not a humiliating one. Above all, I find that it is an experience of liberation that enables me to reassess where I am in the journey, helps me to identify what is holding me back, and encourages me to continue along the way" (p. 150). He then went on to discuss how "this sacrament has been abandoned in our own time" (p. 151), which I could relate to since my own experiences in different phases in my life had never pointed toward a strong appreciation for the Sacrament evidenced by regular Confession. The rest of the chapter was compelling for me because of his personal testimony of the power of the Sacrament and why he recommends that people seriously consider it, making me rethink what I knew of the Sacrament. 

With his words and the recommendation of our priest in mind, I decided to try to integrate the Sacrament more regularly into my life. Initially, what I found along the way was the first experience that I remember feeling the sense of a priest acting in persona Christi at Confession. I had the same priest on different occasions and as I would reflect back on what he told me, it always seemed to be perfect - exactly what I needed to hear at the moment even though I didn't realize in advance it was what I needed. Yet, there was not always a clear link between the most compelling aspects of his words and what I had confessed. Instead, I would receive targeted feedback based on what I said, and then there were more global, big picture what I really needed right then mixed in. The priest also had a calming presence in general, so he was very comforting. As a result, the Sacrament I typically connected with being nervous or discomfort turned into peace and a recognition of the power of the Sacrament. 

Since then that priest transferred to another parish, but I will remember his smile and his role in connecting me to the Sacrament. In the months since his departure, I continued to go to Reconciliation - often every two months or a month and  a half, rather than monthly. Right now in my Reconciliation journey, I am trying to learn to have good Confessions while going more regularly, including not wanting to sound like a broken record with some of the areas where I struggle in my day to day life as a wife, mom, and educator, as well as trying to be more cognizant of areas I should confess. Maybe it's time to re-read the Confession chapter to see how Kelly's words will speak to me where I am at right now as opposed to the me in early months needing the encouragement to take that first step and go to Confession regularly.

Catholic Resources: Matthew Kelly's Rediscover Catholicism

I probably had Matthew Kelly's Rediscover Catholicism: A Spiritual Guide to Living With Passion & Purpose on my Amazon wish list for over a year (maybe even multiple years). The book topic was calling out to me. I knew as an adult Catholic swept up in the go-go-go of my career as an educator desperately trying to juggle family and my professional life that I had not been able to invest as much in my faith as I would have liked to. I knew that the book would help me to grow in my faith and to learn more about what it means to be Catholic. Yet, it sat on my wish list without being purchased.

Then, one Sunday I saw a well-used copy of the book in the pew. I was so excited I could hardly wait to ask if people knew whose book it was when Mass was over in order to see if I could borrow it. The response was even better than I could have expected. The person I asked didn't know whose book it was but said it had been a book handed out previously for a holiday (part of the Dynamic Catholic book program) and that the office probably still had extra copies.

That's how the book finally, finally moved off my wishlist and into my hands. I read it slowly and jumped around to the topics I wanted to know most before eventually reading the whole book through beginning to end at a more rapid pace. There are certain chapters that I have read again and again.

This book was an introduction to Matthew Kelly's work for me. I appreciated his voice and his dedication to his faith. The book is organized into four parts: We Become What We Celebrate, The Authentic Life, The Seven Pillars of Catholic Spirituality, and Now Is Our Time. The book opens with a powerful prologue that drew me right in, making me realize that I never really got how great the sacrifice of the passion and crucifixion of Jesus was. The initial pages sparked a deeper appreciation that continued to grow as I nurtured my faith formation. Furthermore, the prologue deepened my sense of gratitude for the Church, a greater sense of pride for being a Catholic.

My favorite part of the book was the third one that walked through seven aspects of Catholic spirituality. Through this section, I was able to self-reflect on which aspects were a part of my life already and areas in which I could grow as a Catholic. There were aspects where I wanted to re-engage, some that felt new, and others where I was just oblivious to the richness. For example, the chapter on Confession gave me the courage to view the Sacrament as something other than an anxiety producing experience and to consider for the first time in my life to start a routine of regularly going to Confession. Though I had prayed decades of the rosary in youth activities growing up, I never learned how to fully pray the rosary - an understanding of the initial prayers and the mysteries. When I think about the shifts in my faith life, especially over the last year, much of the changes connect back in one way or another to this section of the book.

Another powerful aspect of the book is Matthew's call to action tone, inspiring us to continually reflect on how we can be holier in our day to day lives, or as he often refers to it - the best version of ourselves. This resource and the action tone helped to shift my perspective toward the realization of evangelization as part of my role in life, manageable ideas on how to begin the process, and the courage to take steps toward action.

My experience with this book made me realize, sometimes we are just not ready yet. We might recognize a gap in our lives but not yet know how to set healthy limits on aspects such as careers, feeling like there just is not possibly time to focus on our faith development. Nonetheless, the resources are there and available, waiting for us to be ready to nurture our souls. Now on our shelves, there is also a Spanish edition copy for my husband.

I have much more that I could say about this book and the impact it has had on my life. It will be sprinkled throughout blog posts here and there.

If you are interested in nurturing your faith and are not familiar with Rediscover Catholicism, I recommend that you visit Dynamic Catholic for your free copy (5.95 shipping) or better yet 6 copies for $18 (free shipping) in order to read and discuss alongside family or friends. Other Matthew Kelly books available on the site pair well with the book.

*Disclaimer: I am part of the Dynamic Catholic Ambassador's Club, which has helped me to be more familiar with the work and resources available through Dynamic Catholic. However, all thoughts contained in this post are my authentic thoughts and I am posting of my own volition. 

CELEBRATE This Week

This week I am grateful for...

• starting the week with the last day of a weekend retreat at our diocesan retreat center focusing on evangelization and catechesis. There were opportunities for individual quiet reflection (especially with my early mornings), whole group, small group, and one-on-one interactions. 

• making a decision about what my role will be for this academic year at church - co-leading high school youth ministry. 
• the start of my 11th academic year as an educator. I am grateful for my journey as an educator and all that it has taught me about life, relationships, and priorities over time.

• family, including my niece's 22nd birthday dinner at my mom's house and a lunch with my sister on Tuesday.
• a conversation about Jesus's three-fold love: unconditional, sacrificial and forgiving, as well as a reminder later in the week to keep it at the forefront of my mind and reflect on implications.
• documenting life alongside Ali Edwards and am looking forward to putting all of my photos and words together into one of her kit albums. The album that held my first four years of completing the project, Week in the Life, filled up last year. I look forward to taking some time to revisit all of these years - from one community to another, from 6-8th grade to a sabbatical replacement back to 6th-8th grade and into a permanent position in teacher education, from doctoral student to Ed.D., from family of four to a family of five. I love seeing the glimpses into our rhythms and routines over time and how our life has shifted. 
• quiet mornings. I have been working toward a goal of starting my days at 5 AM - daily readings, daily devotional, and praying the rosary. Then whenever Manuel comes out, I like calm time with him knowing the end of the day might be chaotic. Then I typically have some more time to read or write. This morning I had some time to read more of Matthew Kelly's new book Rediscover Jesus: An Invitation. 

• the every once in a while spontaneous adventures as a family. My husband just woke up and our school clothes shopping in town with just the big girls and I just turned into a day trip as a whole family. Off to get ready...

...and so much more.

Work in Progress: On the Continuum

My spiritual life looks drastically different today than it has at any other point in my life. While my faith life was fairly strong at different points, in recent years it became more of a struggle. The closest I got to feeling like I had a strong beyond Sunday routine in recent years was when I would read my Living Faith daily reflection and then the daily readings from the light of my Kindle while pregnant with Camila. I continued the routine when she was born but then it slipped away when we moved and I started back to work.

When she was about a year old, as part of my One Little Word reflections, I wrote, "Filling out my April monthly card, I knew that the words I wanted to use to capture this point in time was feeling so busy. Then those same words caught my eyes. They were already stated in January and March. I know that February was not much different. I am realizing again and again that sense of feeling like I am drowning from time to time. Though I am getting better with the mental side of busy, today I have been feeling like the word to describe it is coping. Yet, I want to go beyond coping. [...] When life feels like this, it seems that nutrition and exercise often take the back burner as I grasp for air or dog paddle, depending on the moment."

Then about 5 months later, last September,  I wrote, "It feels like there is always one thing that if I can just get past it, I will be able to focus on [goals]. [...] And yet, I want to do so much more than just 'get through'. [...] I feel like there is so much going on, I can't focus too much on anything related to my word other than my general mindset and coping in order to minimize stress."

When Ali Edwards prompted us to write letters to ourselves in October of 2014 as part of her class, I noted, "This year has been a busy one - not unlike recent years. There always seems to be some big change or event that takes up so much time and energy. As you look forward to November and beyond, you hope for a change in the rhythms of your life. [...] You will need courage Amanda, to continue on this path of not allowing the pressure of some to overrule the decisions you have made about your own priorities."

Then that month is when it felt like so much was set into place and the momentum has built.

Realizing that evangelization is a part of my life's purpose is closely linked with a natural pull to impact the lives of others. As I think of ideas and implement different aspects here and there in implicit and explicit ways, the concept of a continuum came to mind. If someone would have told me last year that even though I felt like I was drowning, right now part of my core routines would include: re-engaging daily Bible readings and reflections at the start of the day; a daily rosary; daily Mass; and weekly adoration, I would have felt exasperated and stressed out. I probably would have been defensive, inclined to say I really didn't know how that would be possible.

Yet, here I am. So what changed? What was the catalyst? How did these different pieces click into place as the core to be prioritized, that once in place would help me to feel more at peace and provide guidance for my decisions and priorities in other aspects of my life?

Those questions provide me with a lot to untangle, but what I know for sure is, back then, I just wasn't ready yet. Instead, I was led to have a thirst for something different, something more. In the swirl of gratitude and business and reflection, I was prompted to take steps that would lay the groundwork for where I am now. I was living life experiences that would provide a rationale based on contrast so that I could value these core aspects of my life more.

Knowing what I know about my faith journey in recent years, when trying to positively impact others, I want to keep reminding myself that others are also on their own continuums. If it doesn't seem like my words and actions are prompting shifts that I would like to inspire, I will still persevere knowing that there's always a lot going on under the surface. I will remember that maybe some people just aren't quite ready yet. Maybe the foundation is building.

Today I received a letter that Matthew Kelly sent to Dynamic Catholic Ambassadors, in which he stated, "When I first got started in this ministry in the early 90s, a holy priest took me aside one day and said, 'Never get discouraged. You will only ever see 1% of the impact you have.'" These words spoke to me, reaffirming thoughts that were already swirling in my mind.

Where are you at on your own continuum? How can you honor where others are at on their continuums? How can you learn from others? How can you teach others?

Fueling the Passion: Focused on a Purpose

I couldn't sleep. Eyes shut, I shifted stomach to back and side to side. I had woken up with Camila. While she was only awake very briefly, I could not fall back to sleep. Instead, I thought and processed, ideas taking shape.

As an educator, this isn't new to me. In my dissertation I included a narrative about not being able to sleep in my hotel room following a career fair when I was in my teacher preparation program: 

The gears in my brain churned away, screaming at me to get out of bed and start documenting the flow of ideas. I tiptoed to my backpack to grab paper and a pen and sat on the floor next to the hotel window, not wanting to wake my master colleagues. A bit of sunlight was streaming through the crack in the blinds, just barely enough to see. My hand flew across the paper, and I felt the great feeling that comes with writing thoughts onto the page. 

At the education fair I had eased into a free-flowing conversation with a co-principal about how I would teach reading to high school students who were still struggling. I felt an instant connection, and though I did not even know when the interview process would begin or if I would get the job, on the inside I was already buzzing with excitement about the possibility. I relived the chance meeting the day before as my ideas spilled out. 

Once I could not think of anything else to write, I tucked my notebook back into my bag. Later I would add to the list, revise it, and eventually shape my first units. A few weeks after the education fair, I had accepted a position for the district that ignited so much passion from a single conversation. (pp. 74-75)

Now alongside my career passions, I have another fueled by a purpose that has emerged as part of my One Little Word 2015: Core. At the start of the year, I wrote the following as an intention, "Begin to live with this mission in mind: Strive to live life according to God's will by nourishing spiritual life and nurturing connections. Conscientiously focus on showing family is important, value self care, and work with joy."

If you would have asked me not too long ago what my vocation is, I would have stated being an educator. This year part of my personal development has included me being able to see the bigger picture, recognizing that my vocation from a Catholic lens is married life, which in my context includes being a wife and a mother. Being an educator is still a huge part of who I am, but I am now seeing beyond wrapping so much of my identity into being an educator alone and instead am seeing the bigger picture of my life's purpose.

One part of my journey this year that helped position me well for this shift was Tsh Oxenreider's course Upstream Fieldguide. Back at the start of the year, as I went through the process of the sessions, I drafted a purpose statement based on my intention, revised to say, "My life's purpose is to live life according to God's will, which includes courageously prioritizing breathing room in order to nourish spiritual life, nurture connections, empower others, and live with joy." Tsh prompted me to consider the larger context of my life - not just the phase in which I find myself right now, which made all the difference. 

I found that at the start of the year I was not really sure what shifting my focus to living according to God's will would mean in a specific way. I began to pray, reflect, and focus on investing in further developing my faith formation. In recent days, I have been realizing that living according to God's will is more concrete in my mind - my purpose is evangelization. Through different resources, again and again the concept of the purpose of my marriage being to help my husband get to heaven/aid in his journey to live a holy life and the concept of leading my girls to heaven as my most important role as a mother have been coming up. Stewardship beyond my immediate family also entails impacting others around me in a positive way, just as they can support my faith development in a collaborative community. Before this year, I did not view evangelization as part of my role, and it is definitely not a part of my comfort zone. However, a range of resources, including those from Dynamic Catholic, Chris Stefanick, and Redeemed Online helped me to recognize just how integral this purpose should be in my life. 

Yet, the question is still there - how can I best accomplish this at different levels in my life? With all the ideas swirling around, I know that I have personal limitations based on time, resources, and the different roles that I fill. This morning one idea emerged as a starting point, something that would be relatively small but that would push me out of my comfort zone, help me to build confidence with my emerging purpose, and hopefully set some positive change in action. I'm ready to develop that idea with the intent to implement it in September (and will provide an update with more details at that point).