Living at the Core 10: Getting Back Up Again

Living at the core means being able to get back up and re-establish once something has slipped away. I have noticed a pattern that when I have a baby, eventually my morning routine starts to slip in one way or another. After having my 5th baby, eventually I strayed from my 5am start time. Even before I had my baby, I was getting up at 5am but felt so exhausted that I sometimes wondered, was I praying or had I fallen back to sleep?

Eventually, I find my way back, but it take commitment and perseverance. It takes discipline with thinking about when I am going to bed. It takes slowly re-integrating by setting my alarm to a little earlier and a little earlier until eventually, I am back to being awake at 5 am. Sometimes it means, even if I am really tired, I wake up, pray and then go back to bed.

This spring break I had the opportunity to meet with my spiritual director. As I talked about how I was still struggling with getting back into a solid morning routine, he reminded me that even tired prayer is good prayer because I would still be in the chair for God. He talked about the danger in the spiritual life of stopping to try. That helped me to come back home with renewed dedication to set my alarm, to show up, and recognize the value of prayer, no matter how awake I felt.

It was just what I needed to hear at just the right time. This month my daughter turns one. She is starting to sleep longer stretches at night. Though I am recognizing I am slipping into going to sleep later than I should and need to focus on getting to bed earlier, in general, I am starting to get better sleep.

I can feel a sense of normalcy come back to my morning routine. Often I am able to have this time while my girls are sleeping; although, sometimes, someone wakes up during the time and it does not all go according to plan. In general though, my mornings are starting to have a sense of rhythm to them again.

By pushing through the resistance and getting back into a routine, an important part of my day has been re-established. Over time my morning prayer routine has looked differently, these days, this is what I have been focusing on:

• Praying the Litany of Humility, prayers related to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and a psalm that has stuck with me since it was part of the responsorial psalm back on the first week of Advent last year, "Your ways, O Lord, make known to me; teach me your paths, Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior and for you I wait all the day" (Psalm 25:4-5).
• Read the readings for the day. 
• During the month of May, I have then been shifting my attention to some Lectio Divina with narratives of Jesus' healing.
• I often spend some time either writing or reading some spiritual writing. 

In general, I am able to currently spend up to about an hour, depending on the day. 

Plans and Priorities: Routines for this Season

 

I recently went back to work (after maternity leave for my 5th baby late spring term and summer vacation), and it is now back to school time for my three oldest. With a new school year comes re-envisioning plans and priorities for this season of life. I am focusing on gratitude for what is and celebrating the context of different layers of my life, leveraging what is as I continue to work towards proper prioritization. 

Re-start: 5 am Prayer & 40 Weeks Sacred Story Prayers

After having my baby, along the way my practice of waking up at 5 am slipped. Throughout the summer I still typically read the daily readings upon waking and daily Mass continued as a core part of my day, but I missed this space for prayer waking up before anyone else in the quiet of my home. It's time to get my body used to waking up early again. It will still be a phase of knowing that it will be flexible depending on whether I am nursing/holding my baby or not (or if I have had a particularly sleepless night, I might set the alarm back). 

I used to do my 15 minutes related to 40 Weeks as part of my 5 am waking up. Then towards the end of my pregnancy, it seemed like I was not able to focus as well at that time and often felt like I was falling back to sleep once I switched from daily readings to my 15 minutes. At that time I shifted to typically doing my 15 minutes before or after daily Mass. I was still able to complete my 15 minutes of prayer specific to the sacred story process for the most part after my baby was born and throughout the summer, but my journaling practices stopped based on often holding my baby. The last couple of weeks, just as I was getting ready to transition back to work/the first little bit of work (and right as I was at about week 39 in the book), I have barely been doing the 15 minute sessions. I have not decided yet how I am going to layer this back in. I did end up getting a paper copy of the book recently (rather than just on my Kindle), and it was right when the 2nd edition was available. The physical copy is going to make it easier to refer back to certain parts of the book as I revisit and re-integrate this back in. 

Possibilities in the Present Moment: Mass & Scriptures

I am currently in a phase of about 5 weeks without access to daily Mass, but once it is available again at our parish, I will be in an academic year of going to daily Mass on my own after a year of attending with my 4 year old before taking her to preschool and then with the baby while on maternity leave. I will savor that extra space and time to enter more deeply into prayer. The Eucharist is sure to continue to be an anchor. 

This season of life is also about not being in an active role in ministry for now. It was hard to actually follow through with letting go, but one of the layers of being grateful for what is related to this phase of life is knowing that I will be able to prioritize some focused time with Scripture. I recently started a book I bought earlier this summer (I'm loving it), and just today I received my copy of Ascension Press' new The Great Adventure Catholic Bible (especially excited for this one and will write more about my preliminary thoughts about it soon). 

The Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion: A Book of Daily Reflections

My 2017 morning routine typically includes reading the daily reflection from The Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion: A Book of Daily Reflections edited by Lisa Hendey and Sarah Reinhard. After reading the daily readings, I often reach for my prayer companion.

Typically around a page or less, the reflections are realistic to read before getting ready for the day. Aside from the length, I also appreciate the consistent format of having a quote, the reflection, a prayer and something to ponder. Further, each month has a theme, such as Resolutions in January and Calm in the Chaos in May. Often I feel a sense of connection to validate feelings I have been having or my thinking is pushed by the authors.

I began reading the first weeks of the book alongside others as part of the St. Teresa's Online Book Club on Facebook. Though I often did not discuss online (I'm finding that the books we discuss weekly vs. daily are more realistic for me to regularly participate in), I appreciated the sense of community.

I look forward to continuing to read this book for the rest of 2017 and then decide whether to keep it in order to re-read in a future year or to think of someone to pass it on to for 2018.