Growth with Inner Peace

Seeing St. Francis De Sales' quote about maintaining inner peace drew my attention. My heart recognized the beauty in living life with peace; yet, I also recognized that I had a lot to learn about not losing my inner peace for anything and wondered how that was even possible. The difference between the quote and where I was at prompted me on an informal inquiry to take notice of how I and others responded to circumstances and what speakers and books could teach me about peace.

Over time I have learned that often it is about recognizing areas of growth but then seeing my limitations through other scenarios. When I recognized patterns of weakness, I found myself rewording the quote to capture an intentional point to reflect on and seek growth, such as, "Do not lose your inner peace for anything, even if you are surrounded by adolescent emotions." If nothing else, as a starting point, it would bring a smile to my face and helping me to move past those initial feelings of being overwhelmed.

Trying to maintain peace where we recognize we tend to lose it prompts reflection on why in order to work towards positive change. I was able to sift through many of the layers impacting my tendencies, such as:

• Parenting teens felt like a lot higher stakes than teaching teens, where I was able to relax and love the phase of identity construction without as much worry. I saw more beauty in the process because of the freedom from some of the anxiety. 
• A lot of my fears were based on what could potentially happen or the trajectory that an individual circumstance could eventually point toward vs. what was actually happening. 
• Those fears often pointed towards a recognition of a lack of control where I most wanted to feel in control in order to protect my girls.

Again and again, the root to the loss of inner peace was fear or a desire for control. Knowing that these are counter to trusting and surrendering to God has helped me to intentionally turn from worry to trust and from a desire to control to entrusting to God. Knowing scripture provided me with words to counteract my initial responses. For example, God's ability to work all things for my good and the good of those I love (Romans 8:28) brings great comfort, being in awe of how God's plans unfold over time fosters hope, and narratives of God's love and promises provide confidence.

These days I have comparatively much more peace when it comes to parenting teens, even though I am certain motherhood will continue to afford many opportunities for growth. In general, the space between when I first saw the quote and now has provided me with a better understanding of how to maintain peace, to recognize those scenarios that challenge a sense of peace and then respond like Mary by pondering things in my heart, intentionally moving towards trust even when I do not understand fully.

In the midst of all of this support to better frame my mindset, God was also at work guiding me through different layers of life, leading me towards simplifying, better prioritizing, and integrating a rhythm of prayer throughout my days.

These days I rest in the confidence of Jesus' words, "Do not let your hearts be troubled. You have faith in God; have faith also in me. In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be" (John 14:1-3).

Introduction to the Devout Life

A little over a year ago a woman moved to our parish, bringing a tradition with her to have people draw a Saint card at the start of the year. This January the Saint I randomly pulled out of the stack was St. Francis de Sales who also happens to be the Patron Saint of my diocese. When I read a post at CatholicMom.com mentioning his book Introduction to the Devout Life shortly after, I decided to add it to my Kindle.

I loved that this book is a collection of writings St. Francis never intended to be a book initially. Instead, he wrote for a specific person who sought his guidance. He provided a written support so that she could refer to them over time. Eventually another holy person read them and encouraged St. Francis to publish them, knowing they would be beneficial to a wider audience. In the writings, he was specifically thinking about making the case that it is possible to live a holy life for those who have not "altogether quitted the world" (Loc 10). He provides a rationale for why people should desire devotion and shares how to do so considering a range of different angles of everyday life with an encouraging tone.

Within the vocation of marriage and working in a secular career, I fall into the category of needing to navigate seeking holiness within this world, so I appreciated that he specifically addresses married life. Since he lived within the mid 1500s to mid 1600s, there were of course some aspects that have changed over time as far as contexts and social norms; nonetheless, I could still relate to so much of what he was recommending. The ideas seem practical.

He also speaks with humility and a recognition that seeking holiness is a process, noting, "It is too true that I who write about the devout life am not myself devout, but most certainly I am not without the wish to become so, and it is this wish which encourages me to teach you" (Loc 55). His advice also included thoughts on how we should keep a proper perspective, keeping in mind that the purification process is a life-long pursuit. St. Francis includes thoughts on starting points and regular practices to instill in order to make progress.

When giving guidance on temptation, it was helpful that he considered a range of angles, different precautions to keep in mind. Specifically relevant was his attention to the line between pastimes and addiction to those pastimes, stating, "The harm lies, not in doing them, but in the degree to which you care for them. It is a pity to sow the seed of vain and foolish tastes in the soil of our heart, taking up the place of better things, and hindering the soul from cultivating good dispositions" (p. 50).

Early on in the book, St. Francis provides a series of ten meditations. For this part of the book, I would likely rather have a paper copy so that it would be easier to flip between different meditations over time. However, once I am more familiar with them, there is the advantage that I often have my Kindle with me. The ideas in this book complement the concepts I have been reading and praying through this year in 40 Weeks based off of St. Ignatius' spiritual practices. Unlike 40 Weeks, I did not pause to slowly and prayerfully do the meditations as I read that section of the book, so I do need to go back and revisit those mediations. Perhaps at that time, I can mark those that specifically resonate with me for future reference.