Genuine Friendship

"Christ is the organizer of our relationships" (location 4322).

Shortly after I read The Friendship Project, I mentioned to a priest how friendship was an area I was thinking about and considering implications for my life. He recommended the book Genuine Friendship by Fr. Philip Halfacre. While The Friendship Project made me think specifically about spiritual friendships, especially with other women, Genuine Friendship explored friendship on a range of levels: friends, spouses, and relationship with God.

Fr. Halfacre distinguished between different types of relationships, including those we may call friends who in reality really are not genuine friends - at least not yet. He discussed prerequisites for being capable of deep friendship and how it is rare. The exploration included motivations behind different types of friendships that position us well (or not) for genuine friendship. He stated, "If we are not men and women of character (men and women who do the right thing even when it is difficult), genuine friendship will elude us--though we can have lesser relationships that resemble them" (location 1165). I appreciated that by reading the book, I was able to see a range of relationships past and present through a new lens with deeper understanding.

An area that resonated with me, giving a lot to think about, was linking the topic to eternal life, stating, "Whether we wish people would, so to speak, take a couple of steps closer, or a couple of steps back, things never seem to come together just the way we would like. It is part of the reality of life in this world, It will be different in Heaven. Here and now, we have many different obligations and commitments, and it can be difficult to balance them all. We wish we had more time to spend with the people we love, not having to arrange schedules and not having to work around other commitments. It will all come together perfectly in Heaven" (location 1443).

The book also incorporated thoughts related to relationships and how they can play a role in our process of sanctification, a purification over time. Humility is one of the foundations to genuine friendship. I especially loved a section on relationship with God, in which he highlighted the spiritual life of Mother Teresa. When talking about her dark night phase, he mentioned, "Why would God deprive her of the experience of his love? It is a mystery, and it is a gift. But did it not draw out of her an even greater gift of herself? Did it not draw out of her an even greater love than would have been the case if she had the experience of God's love to carry her through and lift her up in difficult moments? [...] God permitted all of this. In a sense, he extracted from her a profound gift of self. And that, in itself, was one of God's gifts to her" (locations 3931 and 3937). He also said, "By making a deeper gift of ourselves, our capacity to receive God's eternal love increases" (location 3943). In general, this section made me think of one of my favorite Bible verses, "If then you were raised with Christ, seek what is above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Think of what is above, not of what is on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:1-3).

This year my one little word has been filled. There was a lot in this book that linked to that concept as he explored friendship throughout the ages with regards to who we are at the core and how we were created for intimacy and interaction. I appreciated this book for the range of concepts it facilitated pondering. It is a topic that will be relevant throughout my life and into eternity.

The Friendship Project

This summer I pre-ordered The Friendship Project: The Catholic Woman's Guide to Making and Keeping Fabulous, Faith-Filled Friends by Michele Faehnle and Emily Jaminet because I loved their first book, Divine Mercy for Moms. I had some interest in the book but probably bought it more based on the authors than the topic.

I read the book on a recent day of traveling and realized that I loved it so much more than I anticipated based on how they crafted the book and the depth of their exploration. It ended up being the book I hadn't realized I needed.

After a foreword by Fr. Larry Richards to contextualize the importance of the book and an introduction, the book has 8 chapters with a consistent format. Each chapter highlights a virtue and a Saint pair - two Saints that were friends and supported each other on their pathways to sanctification. As a result, the book not only explores how we can individually grow by thinking deeply about the virtues and considering implications for our own lives, but also how we can support each other. In the first chapter they state, "Without the right support system and faith-filled friendships, living your faith is more difficult" (p. 7).

Linking the concepts to the Bible, anecdotes about their own friendships, and the lives of Saints, Faehnle and Jaminet provide a rich exploration of the topic. They also wove together how the different virtues link to each other. Lately I had been thinking about prudence and day to day applications. I was considering how prudence and generosity intersect when discerning choices over time, so I loved how this book addressed both and extended my previous thinking. They were also honest when reflecting on both their strengths and areas for growth in their friendships over time.

In general, I loved the author's craft - the organization, the conceptualization, the co-writing and weaving back and forth between their two voices. I also appreciated how it helped me to better understand myself, the lens it provided to reflect on previous and present friendships, and implications for the future of what I need to nurture in order to have friendships like those described in the book that provide mutual support for growing in holiness. The authors also have a companion website to their book that I am just starting to explore.

Not too long before I read the book, I enjoyed Fr. Mike's thoughts on being intentional about who you spend time with. A priest also just recommended Genuine Friendships. I just purchased it and am looking forward to reading it to see how it complements and extends on The Friendship Project.