Divine Mercy in My Soul: Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska

I have been receiving the Divine Mercy Daily emails for a little over a year and have heard about St. Faustina in multiple books, such as Divine Mercy for Moms; however, I had not yet read St. Faustina's full diary. Being familiar with the diary through quick glimpses each day vs. reading the full diary beginning to end felt similar to reading the daily readings vs. reading the full Bible.

While I read it in January, for the first part I was taking notes in a journal, but part way through I started marking pages that I wanted to revisit later because it wasn't always convenient to take notes when I wanted to read and the constant stopping was interrupting the flow. As the picture shows, there were aspects that stood out frequently. The qualitative researcher in me noticed trends in what was standing out. While I have not yet gone back through all of my markings and it is hard to capture thinking in a blog post, here is a glimpse... 

I was surprised that I could relate to St. Faustina so much. While of course all of the Saints were real people just like us, sometimes it is easy to forget how relatable they can be. Perhaps that is because we often read about them, rather than their vulnerable, inner thinking that diaries provide - the challenges, the confusions, the joys... 

One of my biggest areas of growth over the last year has been a desire to align my life to God's will but sometimes being confused about which path to take. My priest has helped me to sift through some of those thoughts, especially with the first step of recognizing these confusions and tensions are to be expected. Nonetheless, I would still often pray something along the lines of - just let me know which of these options you want me to do, and I will do it; I want to align to your will for me, but I am confused about which you want me to do. I thought if God would just tell me, it would be so much easier. Then, I noticed in the diary that even though St. Faustina did hear directly from Jesus, it was still a struggle to follow through with some aspects. There were still doubts, confusions, and contradictions. 

I was especially interested in the recurring concept of obedience. St. Faustina felt strongly that she was supposed to start a new congregation but she was also supposed to be obedient, and the two were in direct opposition of each other. Over the last year or so, I have been thinking a lot about letting go and patiently surrendering to the concept that things will unfold when and as they should according to God's will. St. Faustina's diary captured how this can be challenging but that we just need to be reminded again and again to trust, not to worry and to strive to just do the next thing as faithfully as we can. 

My understanding of the word humility has expanded lately, and I am realizing that obedience goes hand in hand. Both are areas of continual growth and both can be challenging, yet I can notice how keeping both in mind are transforming me.

While the focus on mercy was to be anticipated, I enjoyed reading more in depth about the concept in order to better understand and reflect on implications for my day to day life. Last summer I was able to attend a screening of the Divine Mercy film and purchased an image. Having a deeper foundation in the significance makes it all the more meaningful.

As with any resource, concepts in St. Faustina's Diary have connected to other ideas and concepts before, extending my understanding and giving me more to ponder.

Catholic Mom Daily Gospel Reflection Team

I participated in the 2017 Catholic Mom Daily Gospel Reflections this year. Today was the first of three reflections for the year. 

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Today’s Gospel: Mark 6:30-34

At one point St. Teresa of Calcutta’s life made me question the concept of self-care. I pondered whether self-care was just something of this world that I should try to minimize in order to focus on her concept of “giving until it hurts.” I couldn’t picture her having time for self-care. However, during the coverage of her canonization, someone mentioned how she found her strength in the Eucharist and I instantly made the connection to the source of her self-care.

A recurring thread in the Gospels is Jesus’ modelling and encouragement of self-care. In today’s we see renewal linked to service. There is an emphasis to come away, find someplace deserted, and rest. The verb “come” vs. “go away” helps us remember the importance of Jesus calling us to self-care with Him. In the midst of the rest in this Gospel passage, there is action on the outside. People in need are in movement toward them. Once Jesus disembarks, he serves.

The world around us will not stop, so we need to find ways to intentionally pull away and rest. As moms fulfilling multiple roles, it is necessary for renewal to come in varied ways. Sometimes we have the luxury of more sustained rest. Other times, we need to remember that small bursts of rest are also beneficial – something to pause, break the sense of rising chaos and then continue on. Being intentional about the types of self-care that I can use in different scenarios, as well as recognizing when I need to shift my focus to renewal even if just for a few moments, have been essential when it comes to attempting to love and serve in the ways I would like. That intentionality centers on knowing the most powerful forms of self-care keep God at the core.

Ponder:

Reflecting on your current context, is God already present in your layers of self-care or do you need to shift something in order to accept the invitation to come away and rest? In which ways could you grow to be more intentional?

Pray:

Dear Lord Jesus, Please help me to prioritize the self-care I need in order to align my life to Your will for me. Call me away to the rest I need in order to glorify You by my life.

Puzzles

I love examining puzzle pieces and seeing how it all comes together; however, it had been quite some time since I had put together a puzzle other than simple ones with my toddler. Based on childhood puzzle strategies learned from my mom, I always start with the border. On many it is easy to find the straight edges, and once in place, the border gives a sense of the shape and place for which the rest of the puzzle will be contained, a feeling of structure.

For this Advent I bought a 1,000 piece puzzle with a stained glass nativity scene. I wanted to work on it with my girls, knowing that a puzzle can link to anticipation and waiting as it doesn't just come together in an instant. While my girls were initially interested, it was perhaps more challenging than they anticipated and eventually they lost interest. Then I needed to take it down when we needed to clear the space while hosting a novena leading up to the Virgen of Guadalupe in our house. 

Eventually, I got started again rebuilding. The holiday season was busy, busy, busy, as can be expected, so for quite a while it felt like it was slow going. Christmas day passed and at the end of December, the puzzle was still spread out on the end of our kitchen table. However, as I dedicated more time and it started to come together, I started to reflect on life implications. There was that pull to be impatient or frustrated, to just want to know how it will all fit together (especially when I wanted to clear off the table!). However, instead I thought about how...

• Just like my dissertation and other similar life experiences, it is about enjoying the process, rather than just marching forward to the finish line, always focusing too much on getting there. 
• Some pieces stump us or don't make sense. We keep looking at them and considering what they might be a part of and where they might go until we get more of the surrounding pieces in place and then where they fit is suddenly obvious.
• There are multiple ways to approach puzzles, no one right way to go about it when strategizing. After starting with the border strategy, I adjusted my strategy over time, seeing what seemed like a natural next step. Often the sequence of steps emerged naturally in the process, rather than being able to anticipate how it would unfold from the beginning.
• I had to be patient and trust in the process.
• The more that was complete, the faster things click into place, but this goes both for sections and the whole puzzle, so there was a sense of click-click-click and then slow down to step back and consider new areas to focus on. At which there was a slower start followed by an increasing pace. 

Can you think of how revisiting any childhood hobbies or engaging in creative activities have provided insight into life lessons? 

Lead me, Lord. Help me to be patient and trust in the process. Remind me that you will reveal the next steps to me when and how I should know. Support me in being able to embrace the rhythms and routines of life - the times when everything seems to be clicking in place, alongside the phases when I am stumped and need to slow down and wait. Among it all, help me to be grateful for the abundant blessings in my life.

Currently Reading // To Be Read Pile - 2017

Once upon a time I began blogging and soon had multiple blogs focusing on teaching (mainly middle school reading and writing workshop), reading (book reviews), life in general (especially slice of life stories through Two Writing Teachers), and parenting.

Over time, my priorities shifted and along with it the rhythms and routines of my days. I completed my doctoral program, we had our third daughter, we moved back "home" as part of my transition from a K-8 school to teacher education, we built a house, I added in the role of being a director of religious education/youth minister, we had our fourth daughter...

In the mix, different aspects lined up for me to reconnect in a deeper way with my Catholic faith. I have realized over time that what I am drawn to read and write about most is linked to what matters most. As a result, the topics I am most drawn to read and write about are related to my faith. Nonetheless, I have struggled with writing regularly on this blog. I have many posts swirling around in my mind, but for the most part, I fill my spiritual notebooks, rather than write publicly.

Though I had been leaning toward pushing pause on my blog, instead, this year I want to recommit to trying to regularly blog. A natural fit/blogging comfort zone for me is to write about what I read. This year, I would like to blog about each book upon completion, so here's a preview.

Currently Reading

1. The Bible

I read the daily readings each morning. Since The Bible is something I read on-going in different ways, I will need to make some decisions about when to give some glimpses into this important part of my reading life. 

2. The Joy of Love: Amoris Laetitia by Pope Francis

I started this in 2016 and have been reading it little by little in between other readings. I have read more about encyclicals from the Popes or seen them referenced in other books but would like to read more complete encyclicals. I received this book for free from Dynamic Catholic as part of the Parish Champion program in which our parish participates. 

3. Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul by Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska

I have received the Divine Mercy Daily emails for over a year and finally started reading the book.

4. The Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion: A Book of Daily Reflections edited by Lisa Hendey and Sarah Reinhard

I am reading this one as a book club book for St. Teresa's Online Book Club (a closed Facebook group that you can join). Though this book won't be complete until the end of the year, I will probably blog about it after the book club focusing on the initial reflections is complete. This is the third book offered in this book club, and I plan on reading along and discussing each time.

To Be Read Pile

1. Interior Castle by Teresa of Avila
2. The Way of Prayer by Teresa of Avila
3. Confessions by Saint Augustine
4. Under the Mantle by Fr. Calloway, MIC
5. Return: How to Draw Your Child Back to the Church by Brandon Vogt

Facebook Image Narrative

As a middle school teacher, from time to time I would have my students do book spine poems. Inspired by that concept, this summer when I was decorating a bulletin board, I was drawn to Facebook images from Life Teen and Ascension Press. As I collected different images that I liked, I realized that strung together, they could make a narrative. Of course, it takes some filling in the gaps. Different viewers might get different messages from it based on personal experiences that resonate with the words. In fact, it will mean different things to me at different points of my journey. (Note: The one that is not a Life Teen image is one that I made using an image of a stained glass window at our church.)

Here is the way it looks on the bulletin board, strung together with ribbon and paperclips: 

While I didn't end up using images from Ascension Press for the narrative because I decided to have the consistent look of one image type, I did include this image at the top, one that I had printed earlier in the year that continues to be one of my favorites. 

The Gift of Godparents

In a couple of hours, I will go to my childhood church to celebrate the life of my godfather. It is the church where I received the three sacraments of initiation and had my First Reconciliation.

Aside from him almost always being present for sacraments celebrated in community for me or my girls and many, many gifts over the years to celebrate holidays and milestones or to express his pride in my GPA, I am realizing as an adult that the most important gift from him was his strong, unwavering faith and consistent physical presence. I was blessed to grow up in the same church as him, being able to sit in the pew behind him and his wife (my sister's godmother) and witness their faith.

Not too long ago my mom and I had some tensions related to faith and at one point she said something along the lines of, "Nobody my age believes that anymore," but then added on that my godfather and his wife were an exception to that assumption. He recently gave me some money to buy something for my baby, and I chose to purchase a Nativity figurine of the Holy Family. I like that it will be a symbol of passing on the faith, the impact godparents can have on future generations through nurturing the faith of their godchildren.

In the Reborn series, there is an emphasis on praying for godchildren as a vital role of godparents. While I had prayed for my godfather before, during the week of his death I felt a conviction that the reciprocal of godchildren intentionally praying for godparents is also a special role. Through a series in youth group last fall, I began to reflect on the Spiritual Work of Mercy to pray for the dead. As my godfather prepared to and then transitioned into his new life, I have been praying for him. I pray in gratitude for all he contributed to bringing me closer to God. Then, since there is no way of fully understanding the process, I pray for him if he is in purgatory coupled with a prayer of gratitude if that phase is already complete for him.

Eternal rest grant upon him, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon him.

Small Acts of Kindness

 

After spending some quiet moments in prayer, I walked back through the parish hall with my 5 month old to pick up the diaper bag and crock pot. By that point most people had left. The space that had been bustling with conversation at the event reception minutes before had shifted into clean-up.

"Would you like to take some flowers home?" she asked.

Such a seemingly small gesture on the outside.

When I arrived home my 10-year old immediately gave her opinion that they needed to go on my Bible table where I sit on the floor in front of to read the daily readings every morning. Seven months prior she had surprised me by arranging a couple of bouquets of flowers for my birthday in the same location.

It ended up being the perfect place and the perfect timing to receive some flowers. It was the start of a week that marked a shift in the rhythms and routines of my life - the Opening Session for another academic year, the pressure of quick approaching deadlines, still trying to figure out how to make different layers work, reflecting on deeper issues. It was a physically and emotionally draining time.

But at the end of the days, while rocking my baby I could glimpse the flowers. In the mornings when I woke up to pray, I could see the flowers. I remembered how I felt receiving them and gratitude pushed aside a mixture of other emotions.

I'm not sure that the person who gave the flowers gave it a second thought. And yet, on the receiving end over a month after, that act of kindness continues to bring peace and joy though the physical reminder has passed.