Puzzles

I love examining puzzle pieces and seeing how it all comes together; however, it had been quite some time since I had put together a puzzle other than simple ones with my toddler. Based on childhood puzzle strategies learned from my mom, I always start with the border. On many it is easy to find the straight edges, and once in place, the border gives a sense of the shape and place for which the rest of the puzzle will be contained, a feeling of structure.

For this Advent I bought a 1,000 piece puzzle with a stained glass nativity scene. I wanted to work on it with my girls, knowing that a puzzle can link to anticipation and waiting as it doesn't just come together in an instant. While my girls were initially interested, it was perhaps more challenging than they anticipated and eventually they lost interest. Then I needed to take it down when we needed to clear the space while hosting a novena leading up to the Virgen of Guadalupe in our house. 

Eventually, I got started again rebuilding. The holiday season was busy, busy, busy, as can be expected, so for quite a while it felt like it was slow going. Christmas day passed and at the end of December, the puzzle was still spread out on the end of our kitchen table. However, as I dedicated more time and it started to come together, I started to reflect on life implications. There was that pull to be impatient or frustrated, to just want to know how it will all fit together (especially when I wanted to clear off the table!). However, instead I thought about how...

• Just like my dissertation and other similar life experiences, it is about enjoying the process, rather than just marching forward to the finish line, always focusing too much on getting there. 
• Some pieces stump us or don't make sense. We keep looking at them and considering what they might be a part of and where they might go until we get more of the surrounding pieces in place and then where they fit is suddenly obvious.
• There are multiple ways to approach puzzles, no one right way to go about it when strategizing. After starting with the border strategy, I adjusted my strategy over time, seeing what seemed like a natural next step. Often the sequence of steps emerged naturally in the process, rather than being able to anticipate how it would unfold from the beginning.
• I had to be patient and trust in the process.
• The more that was complete, the faster things click into place, but this goes both for sections and the whole puzzle, so there was a sense of click-click-click and then slow down to step back and consider new areas to focus on. At which there was a slower start followed by an increasing pace. 

Can you think of how revisiting any childhood hobbies or engaging in creative activities have provided insight into life lessons? 

Lead me, Lord. Help me to be patient and trust in the process. Remind me that you will reveal the next steps to me when and how I should know. Support me in being able to embrace the rhythms and routines of life - the times when everything seems to be clicking in place, alongside the phases when I am stumped and need to slow down and wait. Among it all, help me to be grateful for the abundant blessings in my life.

Currently Reading // To Be Read Pile - 2017

Once upon a time I began blogging and soon had multiple blogs focusing on teaching (mainly middle school reading and writing workshop), reading (book reviews), life in general (especially slice of life stories through Two Writing Teachers), and parenting.

Over time, my priorities shifted and along with it the rhythms and routines of my days. I completed my doctoral program, we had our third daughter, we moved back "home" as part of my transition from a K-8 school to teacher education, we built a house, I added in the role of being a director of religious education/youth minister, we had our fourth daughter...

In the mix, different aspects lined up for me to reconnect in a deeper way with my Catholic faith. I have realized over time that what I am drawn to read and write about most is linked to what matters most. As a result, the topics I am most drawn to read and write about are related to my faith. Nonetheless, I have struggled with writing regularly on this blog. I have many posts swirling around in my mind, but for the most part, I fill my spiritual notebooks, rather than write publicly.

Though I had been leaning toward pushing pause on my blog, instead, this year I want to recommit to trying to regularly blog. A natural fit/blogging comfort zone for me is to write about what I read. This year, I would like to blog about each book upon completion, so here's a preview.

Currently Reading

1. The Bible

I read the daily readings each morning. Since The Bible is something I read on-going in different ways, I will need to make some decisions about when to give some glimpses into this important part of my reading life. 

2. The Joy of Love: Amoris Laetitia by Pope Francis

I started this in 2016 and have been reading it little by little in between other readings. I have read more about encyclicals from the Popes or seen them referenced in other books but would like to read more complete encyclicals. I received this book for free from Dynamic Catholic as part of the Parish Champion program in which our parish participates. 

3. Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul by Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska

I have received the Divine Mercy Daily emails for over a year and finally started reading the book.

4. The Catholic Mom's Prayer Companion: A Book of Daily Reflections edited by Lisa Hendey and Sarah Reinhard

I am reading this one as a book club book for St. Teresa's Online Book Club (a closed Facebook group that you can join). Though this book won't be complete until the end of the year, I will probably blog about it after the book club focusing on the initial reflections is complete. This is the third book offered in this book club, and I plan on reading along and discussing each time.

To Be Read Pile

1. Interior Castle by Teresa of Avila
2. The Way of Prayer by Teresa of Avila
3. Confessions by Saint Augustine
4. Under the Mantle by Fr. Calloway, MIC
5. Return: How to Draw Your Child Back to the Church by Brandon Vogt

Facebook Image Narrative

As a middle school teacher, from time to time I would have my students do book spine poems. Inspired by that concept, this summer when I was decorating a bulletin board, I was drawn to Facebook images from Life Teen and Ascension Press. As I collected different images that I liked, I realized that strung together, they could make a narrative. Of course, it takes some filling in the gaps. Different viewers might get different messages from it based on personal experiences that resonate with the words. In fact, it will mean different things to me at different points of my journey. (Note: The one that is not a Life Teen image is one that I made using an image of a stained glass window at our church.)

Here is the way it looks on the bulletin board, strung together with ribbon and paperclips: 

While I didn't end up using images from Ascension Press for the narrative because I decided to have the consistent look of one image type, I did include this image at the top, one that I had printed earlier in the year that continues to be one of my favorites. 

The Gift of Godparents

In a couple of hours, I will go to my childhood church to celebrate the life of my godfather. It is the church where I received the three sacraments of initiation and had my First Reconciliation.

Aside from him almost always being present for sacraments celebrated in community for me or my girls and many, many gifts over the years to celebrate holidays and milestones or to express his pride in my GPA, I am realizing as an adult that the most important gift from him was his strong, unwavering faith and consistent physical presence. I was blessed to grow up in the same church as him, being able to sit in the pew behind him and his wife (my sister's godmother) and witness their faith.

Not too long ago my mom and I had some tensions related to faith and at one point she said something along the lines of, "Nobody my age believes that anymore," but then added on that my godfather and his wife were an exception to that assumption. He recently gave me some money to buy something for my baby, and I chose to purchase a Nativity figurine of the Holy Family. I like that it will be a symbol of passing on the faith, the impact godparents can have on future generations through nurturing the faith of their godchildren.

In the Reborn series, there is an emphasis on praying for godchildren as a vital role of godparents. While I had prayed for my godfather before, during the week of his death I felt a conviction that the reciprocal of godchildren intentionally praying for godparents is also a special role. Through a series in youth group last fall, I began to reflect on the Spiritual Work of Mercy to pray for the dead. As my godfather prepared to and then transitioned into his new life, I have been praying for him. I pray in gratitude for all he contributed to bringing me closer to God. Then, since there is no way of fully understanding the process, I pray for him if he is in purgatory coupled with a prayer of gratitude if that phase is already complete for him.

Eternal rest grant upon him, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon him.

Small Acts of Kindness

 

After spending some quiet moments in prayer, I walked back through the parish hall with my 5 month old to pick up the diaper bag and crock pot. By that point most people had left. The space that had been bustling with conversation at the event reception minutes before had shifted into clean-up.

"Would you like to take some flowers home?" she asked.

Such a seemingly small gesture on the outside.

When I arrived home my 10-year old immediately gave her opinion that they needed to go on my Bible table where I sit on the floor in front of to read the daily readings every morning. Seven months prior she had surprised me by arranging a couple of bouquets of flowers for my birthday in the same location.

It ended up being the perfect place and the perfect timing to receive some flowers. It was the start of a week that marked a shift in the rhythms and routines of my life - the Opening Session for another academic year, the pressure of quick approaching deadlines, still trying to figure out how to make different layers work, reflecting on deeper issues. It was a physically and emotionally draining time.

But at the end of the days, while rocking my baby I could glimpse the flowers. In the mornings when I woke up to pray, I could see the flowers. I remembered how I felt receiving them and gratitude pushed aside a mixture of other emotions.

I'm not sure that the person who gave the flowers gave it a second thought. And yet, on the receiving end over a month after, that act of kindness continues to bring peace and joy though the physical reminder has passed.

Everyday Reminders of What Matters Most

"But do you love God most?" my priest asked me.

"Yes," I replied quickly and the conversation moved on. 

Yet, the question rattled around in my mind. The answer felt too automatic - just giving what I knew was the right answer. The conversation was related to family and God, specifically Abraham's test (Genesis 22:1-13) that had always left me feeling unsettled. Feeling so full of love for my girls, it was hard to fathom how Abraham would be able to kill his own son. Although that day my priest helped me to see that Biblical narrative from a new lens finally bringing a sense of peace with it, his question and my response stuck with me.  

It was at that time that I realized as a 34 year old, I had not given proper focus to one of the most fundamental aspects of life. I started to reflect what does it look like to love God most? Coincidentally, from the start of the year with core as my one little word, I had been focusing on a desire to intentionally align my life to God's will after feeling like my career was consuming too much of my time and energy, leaving me feeling like I was drowning. This layered in perfectly, as the more I learned about God's will, the more I was learning about loving God most. 

This summer, I sat in Confession hearing the advice "if you love God most..." The concept had cycled back through at a different point in my life with a different overall context prompting me to once again draw my attention to the thought, what does it look like to love God most? Separated by a year, with many other moments and pieces of advice in between, I am grateful for my priest continually helping me to process implications for my life as I try to navigate the journey to putting God in the rightful place in my life, the core.

Though initially it felt like shifting my priorities to focus on my Catholic faith was making everything else that I had struggled with for so long related to career-family balance fall into place, it eventually started to feel messy. I had not been expecting conflicts in trying to decide whether I was on track or not with certain areas. I thought I would just know whether or not certain aspects were God's will for me, rather than needing to patiently wait for different aspects to unfold. However, with time I have seen that bit by bit, pieces seem to be untangled as the concept of loving God most helps me to do the next thing.  

Sometimes it is nice to have external reminders that catch our attention during our day to day lives to remind us of what matters most, of who we want to be. Aside from my family photo timeline, I appreciate the underlying meaning behind my rings. I've never been one to be too attached to jewelry or to own many pieces of jewelry. As a matter of fact, I have probably gone more of my married life without wearing my engagement or wedding rings than I have worn them. However, throughout time there have been some rings and necklaces that have special significance that I wear every day, rarely taking them off. 

Last year my priest's rosary ring caught my attention. It resonated with me in relation to my one little word core and knowing that loving God most was vital. Originally, I thought it was only something that priests and religious would wear, but when I mentioned it one time, he let me know that many lay people wear them in India. That sparked my idea to get one and I decided on wearing it with my wedding band. Both are on my ring finger, the place of commitment, but the rosary ring is strategically closer to my heart. Yet, it is right next to my wedding band reminding me to keep God at the core and that as a married woman, living my vocation as a wife and mother well should be at the center of my life.

Because it impacted my ring finger, I talked to my husband about it, seeing how he felt about it. After some months of wearing it, he asked again about the significance. As I told him, I mentioned the intent, along with the reality that just because it is there and something I visibly see multiple times a day, doesn't mean I will be perfect at it. Rather, it prompts me to reflect again and again about those celebrations and areas for growth.

Dear Lord Jesus, Thank you for the visible reminders in my life to draw me back to You, as well as the people who have nurtured my faith development. Please help me to have the strength to navigate the uncertainties in my journey to aligning my life to Your will and to living out my role as wife and mom to help my family with the overall purpose of eternal life. 

Catholic Mom Daily Gospel Reflection Team

For 2016 I wrote one daily Gospel reflection for Catholic Mom. 

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Today’s Gospel: Luke 6, 39-42

Recently I found myself judging a situation that did not directly involve me. I reacted as a mom, saying that I could not believe how another mother would agree to something. Only later, I heard more details that prompted me to re-evaluate, and her actions made sense. Instead, I was baffled by the other person involved.

As the details continued to unravel, I found myself going back and forth, revising my judgments. At the end, I realized I would never know the full story, all the different events and feelings that culminated in the current scenario. Judging should not be my initial response. Nonetheless, because there is an inclination to consider human experiences and place value judgments, it is an on-going challenge to catch myself from judging others and to instead re-direct my thoughts.

Sometimes my judgments come in the form of trying to give advice or helping people process scenarios. The last line provides guidance to think about how I can better support others when that is the case. The more I can refrain from judging as an initial response and instead focus on my own weaknesses in the midst of my efforts to live a holy life, the more I can understand and sympathize.

When I stop and take a step back, it helps me to be able to compassionately help remove the splinter, with the purpose of bringing peace. In this Jubilee Year of Mercy, it is a perfect time to reflect and consider how we respond to our own actions and those of others.

Ponder:

Consider a time when your initial response was to judge. How could you have responded in a way that would demonstrate Jesus’ love, compassion, and mercy? How might you proactively use this information to respond differently to similar scenarios in the future?

Pray:

Lord Jesus, help me to demonstrate your mercy towards those I encounter in my day to day life, recognizing my own faults, rather than unfairly focusing on those of others. Help me to respond with love and compassion, rather than judgment.